Yay, 11!

Today we celebrated my stepchild's 11th birthday.  It's amazing to see how much they've grown since I met them at five years of age.  Only another seven more years and they'll be off to college.  I never thought time would go so fast, and I never thought I'd be a stepmom.  

We went to a local hotspot for families.  We played mini-golf, laser tag, and arcade games.  I opted out of most of the fun as I've been recovering from a nasty flu that has been lingering for several weeks.  We all had fun.  My stepchild enjoyed the Wii games and books my husband and I bought for them.  Oddly, the ex didn't really do much to celebrate their birthday, which was officially on Friday.  It was during her custodial time.  The only present he got from her was $100 in cash, which my stepchild is saving to buy an iPod Touch.  I've always thought giving cash, except for wedding gifts, is just a cop out.  It's so easy to find gifts for an 11-year-old.  Why not spend the time to find something they really enjoy?

Tomorrow kicks off the first day of summer vacation.  During our weeks, my stepchild will be spending time at my mom's house.  My husband will be working from home two days each week.  We've been maintaining this schedule for several years of summers, and it has worked quite well.  The ex has decided to pay a friend to watch my stepchild.  Although, her husband is currently out of work, she feels it's better to pay someone to watch my stepchild.  I find it out, especially when they are struggling financially, and I shall not attempt to try and understand her.  She's never been someone that has made much sense.

Luckily, I've learned to stop caring.  My husband and I joke privately when we hear about her odd decisions, and as long as she stays out of my life and my marriage, I don't give much thought to her decisions.  

Dreams

As a little girl, we dreamt of how life is going to be when we grow up. Some of us dreamt about becoming loving mothers or having exciting careers or the wonderful homes we were going to have.  We never dreamt about marrying a divorcee and becoming a stepmother, and that’s not a bad thing. 

I never thought I would marry, and consequently, I never thought about becoming a mother, let alone a stepmother.  Maybe there’s something broken in me, but I didn’t dwell upon the “happily ever after” thoughts.  As a geeky little girl, I had big plans to become a rock star with a myriad of college degrees, and when I wasn’t touring the world with my awesome band, I would be a respected speaker in whatever field I had mastered.  Then I would relax in my castle-like home in the countryside that housed several dogs and a cat.  These dreams followed me from elementary and evolved into more concrete goals as a teenager.  I settled upon my college major in 11^th grade and established my long-term vision to conquer the world.  A man, let alone a husband, wasn’t something I dwelt upon.  Maybe it was something my mother said, maybe it was my feminist way, may it was a combination of things, but I wasn’t like the other girls, waiting for Prince Charming to sweep my off my feet.

So here I am, married for almost five years with one stepchild and, happily, no children on the way, but that’s only for now.  Life doesn’t always turn out the way we envision.  I’m not a rock star, but I have played in several bands.  I’m not a PhD, but I have the degrees I want and am planning on more.  I’m not an expert that is requested to do lavish speaking engagements, but I teach college courses and am a mentor to many.  I don’t live in a castle, but I have a lovely home with two cute puppies and a cat.  Honestly, I’m nothing special, but I am living this convoluted, beautiful dream, and for the first time, I don’t have everything planned out.  

Stepmother's Day?

For all the stepmom's out there, I would love to know if you have any special traditions for this Sunday. To be honest, I have none. I don't really care for this holiday. I'm not a mother, I'm a stepmom. We are the "lesser class" of mothers in certain eyes. Mostly, I would rather not celebrate this holiday, except to honor my own mom.

I'd rather just rename this holiday "The New Wife Vents Mom's Day," and then I'll only think about my mom. Alright, I guess to be fair, I really should just call it "The New Wife Vents Mom and Mom-in-Law's Day." Then once I drop off gifts and talk to them, the holiday should be done with, and we can all carry on.

I'm not bitter about this holiday. I just don't fit in. It's a similar awkwardness you feel when your neighborhood church honors all single adult women with flowers or other gifts on the Sunday holiday.

I just googled the possibility of a Stepmother's Day, and apparently, there's is one the Sunday after mother's day. I think I'm going to celebrate by watching "Cinderella," or "Ever After" or some other wicked stepmom movie with my stepchild while we play with our wicked puppies and eat wicked food. I think that's a swell idea for such an unnoticed holiday.

My personal plans for this Sunday after I talk to my mom? Absolutely nothing!

Bankruptcy

I was having a conversation with my stepchild a few days ago, and they disclosed that their mother declared bankruptcy a few years ago. It makes a lot of sense considering her past issues with money and employment. Although, I’m surprised that she would have quickly turned to bankruptcy, which makes me think she must have accrued a sizeable amount of debt. My stepchild wasn’t exactly sure what bankruptcy was, so we ended up having a conversation on what it meant.

Stepchild: Did you know my mom declared bankruptcy a few years ago?
Me: I didn’t. Do you know what bankruptcy is?
Stepchild: I’m not really sure.
Me: It means that you don’t have enough money to pay your bills. When
did you find out about this?
Stepchild: When my mom bought a new car, we went and celebrated. Then I
found out as she was telling my grandpa.
Me: Bankruptcy isn’t a fun thing. It’s not something that you just
jump into.
Stepchild: Oh?
Me: There are things you can do to avoid bankruptcy.
Stepchild: Like what?
Me: Save your money each time you get paid, get a good education so you can
get a good job, don’t buy things that you can’t pay for…
Stepchild: How much money should you save?
Me: Well, it depends, but at least 10% is a good target. I save all
the money I earn from teaching and the side jobs I do.

All in all, it was a good conversation, and they seemed to really listen to what I had to say. I hope they never have to deal with bankruptcy. I have a very different opinion when it comes to money in comparison to their mother.

It does make me wonder if she turned to marrying her current husband due to money. My husband said that she always prided herself on paying her bills on time, so the bankruptcy must have been quite a blow. However, he also alluded that she would pay her bills but also rack up a substantial amount of credit card debt.

I just hope my stepchild will learn a valuable lesson from this all.

Fun with Cousins

We went to the planetarium last Friday. My stepchild, 8-year-old niece, and 6-year-old niece went with me. Since my husband was going to be gone for the evening, I thought it would be fun to have an outing with the cousins. My stepchild had a blast. Naturally, they like to take charge of things, and they spent much time telling their two cousins about everything they knew related to the stars and planets. After the planetarium, we went over to the bookstore, and I told them they could all choose one book. After much searching and deliberation, my 6-year-old niece turned to me and said, “I don’t really like to read; do I have to get a book?” As much as I wanted to encourage her to find something to read, I didn’t want to force a present upon her, so she ended up leaving empty-handed, and she was completely fine with that.

We then went to grab dinner. McDonald’s was everyone’s first choice, but I can’t handle the greasy foods from there, so we ended up going to this Irish restaurant, and the kids loved it. They had to have a toast for everything. We toasted to the stars, moons of Jupiter, books, stuffed animals, etc. Then we also had to play the “raise your hand” game. You know what I’m talking about. One person declares, “Raise your hand if you like ((insert random thing to like here)).” Needless to say, there was much hand raising in agreement that everyone enjoyed the evening, liked their dinner, and thought that the planets are pretty cool.

Pregnancy Scare

We had a little pregnancy scare today. While at the grocery store buying a pregnancy test, I mentally started preparing myself for the possibility of having a baby. These thoughts compounded with the terrible, horrible past week I had almost induce a panic attack in aisle. Luckily, my husband prevented my nervous breakdown by making a snarky remark about the personal lubrication products, which located a few shelves above the pregnancy tests. Why is it that birth control and pregnancy tests are in the same location? I find it a tad ironic. Frankly, the last thing a possibly pregnant woman wants to think about is condoms and warming gel.

The Results: -

Phew! However, we are considering having a baby now, just not this year.

Bronze Medallist

When finding out that my husband had been married twice before he married me, a co-worker commented, “How does it feel to be the bronze medallist?”

I am not sure how I feel about this statement. Usually I have some quick and witty retort to something like this, but all I could do is start at them dumbfounded realizing that maybe I am the bronze medallist.

I have always been someone that does well at almost everything. I was a stellar student, I have done well at the workplace, and I have enjoyed success as a musician and performer. I credit my abilities only to mere persistent and desire. Yet, I think it is my competitive nature is what makes me so bothered by be the idea that I would be third best.

Do people really think that I must not be that important to my spouse because he did not wait or choose me, but rather, he choose other women? I guess I know the answer to that now. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.